An absurdly funny tale takes a turn for the ridiculous when a linguist’s invention goes haywire.
Inspired by the writing prompt dialogue suggestion of ‘killed by their own invention,’ I ended up creating an absurdly funny pet store adventure. Let’s just say, this is a tale of an invention that didn’t go quite as planned…
After I wrote the story, I thought I would use the AI tool ‘NotebookLM’ by Google, to have some fun and bring this story to life in a unique way—through the voices of two podcast hosts discussing the story. It’s not perfect, but it is amazing how this came out! Check it out on my YouTube Channel.
Dr. Leslie Penchant wasn’t just a linguist. They were the linguist—the kind of genius who casually ordered their morning coffee in six languages and once got into an argument with a chatbot in Klingon. For years, Leslie dreamed of breaking down the ultimate communication barrier: the language of animals.
It all started with Mr. Snuffles, Leslie’s smug-looking tabby. One fateful evening, Leslie stared at the cat, sighing.
“What goes on in that little head of yours?”
Mr. Snuffles meowed. It wasn’t a polite meow. It sounded more like: Wouldn’t you like to know, pathetic human?
Leslie couldn’t shake the thought. What if I could understand? Thus began months of obsession, fueled by energy drinks and an inexplicable surplus of duct tape. Finally, the PetPal 3000 was born—a sleek earpiece capable of translating animal noises into human speech.
The dream? A revolution in human-animal relationships. The reality? Mr. Snuffles, upon testing the device, had looked Leslie dead in the eye and said, “Nice sweater. Does it come in adult sizes?”
Despite the rocky start, Leslie pressed on. The world wasn’t ready to give up on the PetPal 3000. Leslie wasn’t ready to give up on…well, fame and glory. After all, this invention was destined to change everything.
On a sunny Saturday, still wearing the device after a late-night debugging session, Leslie wandered into Pawtopia Pet Emporium for some cat treats. That’s when it all went horribly wrong.
It Started With a Parrot
The trouble began innocently enough.
Parrot (from a cage by the door): “HELLO! Buy me! OR DON’T! You’ll regret either way!”
Leslie chuckled. Cute. Then came the goldfish.
Goldfish 1: “Hey, is today Tuesday? No? Starting over.”
Goldfish 2: “WHY DOES THE BIG ONE KEEP STEALING MY BUBBLES?!”
Goldfish 3: “Wait…where am I? WHO AM I?”
Leslie tried to tune them out but stumbled into the rodent aisle.
Gerbil (yelling): “Kevin, I SWEAR, if you touch my sunflower seed again—”
Kevin: “YOU CAN’T PROVE IT WAS ME!”
Hamster: “Guys, I think I’m just a fat gerbil. Is that okay?”
Feeling overwhelmed, Leslie shuffled toward the dog section, hoping for peace. Instead, chaos struck again.
Golden Retriever: “HELLO! FRIEND! LOVE ME! THROW BALL? PLEASE THROW BALL! LOVE ME!”
Terrier: “Why is everyone SHOUTING?!”
Dachshund: “Long body. Long life. Long legacy.”
Leslie’s ears rang as voices layered over each other.
The Great Escape
The final straw came from the cats.
Cat 1: “Oh look, a human in thrift-store jeans. Ambitious.”
Cat 2: “I’ve met toasters with more charm.”
Kitten (innocently): “Are you my mom?”
Cat 3: “Don’t answer that. They’re clearly no one’s mom.”
Before Leslie could retreat, Todd, a particularly enterprising gerbil, staged a jailbreak.
Todd (rallying): “BROTHERS AND SISTERS, THE TIME IS NOW! FREEDOM!”
Leslie watched in horror as Todd gnawed through the cage latch, springing himself and a half-dozen comrades. The gerbils immediately began organizing. One scurried to the bird aisle, gnawing at the parrot cage lock. Another bolted to the hamster section, fashioning a slingshot from elastic bands and food pellets.
Parrot: “Oh great, a revolution. ABOUT TIME!”
Birds burst free, flapping wildly. Dogs barked, sensing opportunity, while the cats remained aloof.
Cat: “We’re not participating, but we’re definitely judging.”
The snakes chimed in ominously.
Boa Constrictor (hissing): “Yesss, release meeee. Let’s see who survivesss.”
Nearby, a tarantula crawled out of its enclosure. Leslie shrieked.
Tarantula: “Really? THAT’S the reaction? Typical.”
The Final Blow
Leslie scrambled to remove the PetPal 3000. But before they could, a parrot swooped onto their shoulder.
Parrot (mockingly): “Oh, look at the genius! Killed by their own invention!”
The words hit like a freight train—less metaphorically when a rogue ferret charged at their ankles, sending them crashing into a crate. The last thing Leslie heard before blacking out was a cockatiel’s smug voice ringing out:
Cockatiel: “One star. Would not recommend.”
Aftermath
Leslie awoke to find the store in ruins. Gerbils sat atop the cash register, nibbling on stolen sunflower seeds. A snake had taken up residence in the stuffed toy display, hissing at passersby. The manager stood over Leslie, arms crossed.
Manager: “Care to explain what just happened?”
Leslie ripped the PetPal 3000 out of their ear and tossed it onto the ground.
“Back to the drawing board,” they muttered.
From behind the manager, a parrot squawked one final insult.
Parrot: “Good luck with that, Einstein!”
(c) Eric Montgomery
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